The baby fog that is. That I have been in for the past 7 months. And it took a good girls weekend away to break it.
A close friend in college got married last weekend and I had originally planned (back in February) to bring my mother along with my husband, baby and me to watch over Henry as we attended wedding festivities. Then, the husbands of my friends dropped out one by one. So I decided to drop mine too and leave him and the babe home alone - to figure it out. This was daunting to me.
Up until this point, I had not left my little one for longer than a 6-7 hour stretch. Not on purpose really, but I have just always taken him everywhere with me. The result of having a pretty easy baby, no nanny, and no family close by.
I was PANICKING. Not because I was unsure my husband was fit to care for him. Or because he had not been left with Henry for longer than a 5-6 hour stretch AWAKE. Ever... But mostly because I was afraid of how I might feel without him. What if something happened? What if he needed me? What if he missed me terribly? What if I missed him terribly?? How could I get home? It was a flight and a 3 hour drive away....
I also decided the morning before I left would be the last time I nursed him. Double whammy.
I kissed my baby one zillion times while he slept in his crib the night before I left and the morning I was leaving - careful not to wake him. And I cried. THE WHOLE WAY to the airport.
I kept telling myself this was good for Daddy and good for Henry. And healthy for me, even if I wasn't feeling a need to get away or take a break. It was needed. And I texted my bestie Alsty whom I was meeting at the airport for a pep talk. She text counseled me through it ;)
The weekend was a BLAST. Fifteen girls cackling away, catching up, and drinking wine. I didn't feel the need to call or check in constantly and I let Chris do his thing without critiquing his every decision. He sent me pics and videos and that was just enough to sustain me for the three days away.
I have to hand it to the hubs, he made it so easy for me to leave. He did not freak out, he did not call and ask me where things were or what to do now or how to do this or that. He just.....did it. I almost forgot I had a baby. Almost ;) Henry has been an extension of my arm for 7 months - it was nice to remember who I was before him. And a nice break for my back!
It was needed. For all of us I think. I left refreshed and hungover (oxymoron?) and planning our next girls get together.